will's Mancouch

The Perks of Being a Vampire

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 19:24:08 GMT

As some of you may know, I'm pretty obsessed with True Blood. I've been recommending it to everyone I know, watching old episodes with series n00bs, and damn near peeing myself whenever I think about the upcoming episodes every week. In my opinion, it's the best new series since Dexter. So when my friend asked me the other night why anyone would ever want to be a vampire, I should have had a pretty good answer, right?

There are lots of pros and cons involved with living as an undead blood-sucking creature of the night. The way I explained the perks of being a vampire to my friend was by breaking it down into these two categories, starting with the cons. More Here...

What's your favorite drinking song?

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 18:00:17 GMT

Everyone knows that the proper mixture of the right music matched with the right drink makes for an incredible night of drinking. Music is often a pretty huge factor in our decisions of where to drink and with whom: no matter how cool that club may be, none of us wants to pay a $20 door charge just to listen to T-Pain all night. For many of us, the choice of what we're drinking depends on the music we're listening to. If we're in a quiet mood, we'll probably slowly drink something strong like a glass of scotch or maybe even a bottle of wine. Do you really think the music you listen to over a bottle of Chianti is the same music you'll want to hear when ripping shots of Southern Comfort and lime? I shudder at the thought.

Just read Beowulf or any Irish folktale: drunk people love singing.

Here are some of my favorite drinking songs, along with the best drink to mix with:

1. Shots
More Here...

Misadventures in Racism!

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 16:59:59 GMT

Well, folks, there's been a lot of cuh-razy crap goin' on in the world of Post-Racial America these days. Ever since January 20th, we believed that racism disappeared overnight, that the clouds of racist intolerance had evaporated the moment our first black president descended the Capitol steps to be sworn in. I mean, think about it. We've gone from presidents who all sort of looked like this:

to a guy who looks like this:

And then, just when we thought that everything was cool with America's race issues (except for when it comes to immigrants, of course), Henry Louis Gates had to ruin everything by breaking into his own house. Regardless of your own take on the whole thing, the fact of the matter is that maybe we're not as racially tolerant as we believe we are in this country.

Here are some examples of misadventures in racism found online today:

English may be our only language, but we're still working out the kinks...I guess...?

Finally, let's hear it for our failed education system ONE. MORE. TIME.:

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Way to go, Asian kid! Nothing's better than a good in-yo-face pwn.

Did Entourage jump the shark?

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 16:23:01 GMT

Everyone's favorite five-way bromance has returned this summer for its (holy crap) 6th season. I don't know about you, but I've been watching Entourage since it first premiered back in 2004, from the days when Vince was on top of the world to his downfall to his current resurrection as the hottest star in Hollywood. Throughout all of it, the show seemed always on the verge of a total derailment from reality: a show based so firmly in the suspension of disbelief within a world that's not extraordinarily unbelievable begs is asking for a lot. So when, in this past week's episode, the boys spent Turtle's birthday driving around a racetrack in brand-new Ferraris, I couldn't help but remember another faux-sporting event from TV past:

My question to you: has Entourage jumped the shark?

Historical Dumbass of the Week

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 16:18:29 GMT

As I was looking at my Made-in-China East Coast slaves, I was wondering what in the world I should do with all the silk worms I'd been harvesting. Suddenly, I came across a video where all of my problems were solved. This woman should be given a MacArthur genius award. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Historical Dumbass of the Week:

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

I smell a Secretary of Agriculture post in her future.

The Peace Sign Pose

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 15:42:54 GMT

After reading the post by @reckless_eagle@xanga about the infamous Kissy Pose, I decided to write about another pose we see popping up all over international culture: the Peace sign. Often seen as a Japanese stereotype, the peace sign has not seeped into our culture, but it's returned!

More Here...

ShamWow Techno Remix!!!

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:59:19 GMT

Holy crap, Man Couch Potatoes!! First of all, there are few things in this world as bad ass as the ShamWow. The infomercial is beloved that it was rated the number 1 infomercial of all time by CNBC readers. Second of all, I never thought I'd see or hear anything funnier than when ShamWow guy Vince Offer was arrested for fistfighting with a hooker (that would make a damn good Bar Fight, wouldn't it?). But then, I came upon this auto-tuned techno remix of the ShamWow ads:

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Amazing, right?

Why I follow Emma Watson on Twitter

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:39:54 GMT

Last time I wrote about Emma Watson, there were over 3000 views and 70 comments. Since Emma Watson is definitely legal these days, I decided to follow her on Twitter. Here are some examples of why I do so:

This looks a bit like her "I'm sorry, you're fired" face.

On July 3rd, Emma Watson wrote:

"Donna Karan, Giambattista Valli, Galliano, Burberry, Chanel, Roberto Cavalli. So many dresses, SO LITTLE TIME!"

Subtext: So many dresses, so little time, SO MUCH MONEY! I guess the Pound is doing better than the dollar, Emma.

June 3rd:

"I've discovered I like ruffle shirt's with a vest over top. Even If it is fashionably incorrect."

Likes: Ruffle shirt's with a vest over top. Dislikes: Spelling, grammar.

Earlier that day, she wrote:

"Can't understand why people follow me if they don't even like me, lol. Such a waste of time. WHO WANTS ICE CREAM? I want ice cream.... =] !!"

...I want ice cream.

Just now, she wrote:

"Attempting to eat this lovely dinner of chicken broth & toast... What a wonderful combination.. Cheers xx"

Apparently Emma's not feeling well. I guess being a superstar celebrity can be super draining, especially when people are freaking out over your Marilyn Monroe-esque "wardrobe malfunctions".

With tweets like these, you'd be a fool not to follow her. Hell, it's more interesting than following Weasley twin James Phelps:

"Just boarding the flight to spain.should be a good trip."

Thanks for the thrilling report, James.

So, Man Couchers: who do you follow on Twitter?

BAR FIGHT Rosie O'Donnell vs. Cookie Monster

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:10:34 GMT

One is an obese monster who can't stop eating everything in sight while perpetually screaming such things as "ME EAT COOKIE" and "NOM NOM NOM!" The other is Cookie Monster.

The real Cookie Monster?

That's right, Man Couchers: this week's Bar Fight is between two celebrity monsters who share a gluttonous need for baked goods: Cookie Monster and Rosie O'Donnell. However, Cookie Monster knows now that cookies have to be a "sometimes food;" Rosie seems to be nomming her way back to television stardom, hoping to be attached to a celebrity edition of "Dance Your Ass Off" on the Oxygen Network.

While I doubt many Man Couch readers watch Oxygen shows, it's nevertheless every American's prerogative to keep Rosie O'Donnell away from our TV sets. She's probably on her way to selling yet another book about punny children or celebrity addiction. Someone must stop her from devouring the minds of our nation's youth, women, and Oxygen-network-watching men. That person has to be the Cookie Monster. More Here...

BAR FIGHT Results! The Battle of the Campbells

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 16:14:20 GMT

"Most excellent show, dudes!" Wayne stood up from the couch, admiring the basement studio he'd built. He was filled with pride and awe at his own awesomeness, especially considering the fact that he was about to go home to the punk-rock Goddess Cassandra. Schwing! He had an excellent night planned: hot wax, ice cubes, some candles, and "Appetite for Destruction."

"Snap out of it, man! We gotta get to the Gasworks before the show starts!"

Wayne turned to Garth, a look of indignation on his face. "Gasworks? Garth, I have a babe-a-licious chick awaiting my return. I'll close up around here and catch you guys later."

Dejected, Garth and the crew turned to leave. Garth turned around before leaving, shaking his head in sadness as Wayne shrugged him off.

Completely alone, Wayne started to clean up the cables scattered around the studio. Humming some Aerosmith to himself, he never heard as the back door was unlatched and opened, nor did he notice that his beloved guitar was no longer on its stand.

A horrifying crunch echoed throughout the basement as the guitar slammed into the back of Wayne's head. Staggering back to his feet, Wayne turned to see a hulking deity of manliness gribbing the carcass of a blood-covered guitar.

"Hail to the king, baby," the man said. "You've been staining the Campbell name for too long, hippie, and it's time to bleach some stains."

Attempting to run, Wayne fell as a bullet ripped through his chest. Standing over the crumpled body, Bruce Campbell laughed maniacally to himself.

Of course, he slipped on his way out of the house and, in a hilarious bout of slapstick comedy, stepped on several rakes and electric wires until he finally returned to his dusty old Chevy.

"Who's next?"