It was a hot, humid night in San Juan as Captain Morgan emerged from the cabin of the Spanish Main. Reeling from the oppressive heat as well as the past four hours' worth of drinking, the Captain stumbled across the planks to the poop deck, where he hoped to relieve himself. He smiled proudly, knowing that he had avoided breaking the seal all night and that this moment had been earned. He never heard the footsteps behind him.
Armed with naught but an empty glass of the Captain's favorite rum, the dread Cap'n Crunch swung hard and true, grinning with sadistic pleasure as blood and shards of crystal intermingled while free-falling onto the boards below.
Captain Morgan struggled to get to his feet, groaning incoherently with drunken gibberish. Swinging blindly, he lost his balance and fell face-forward onto the deck. Seizing a broken plank of wood, Cap'n Crunch savagely and mercilessly unleashed a furious flurry of crushing blows on his victim.
As Captain Morgan wheezed piteously, verging on complete stupor, his assailant knelt down beside him. Whispering to his victim, Crunch grinned as he said, "That's why you don't f*** with Horatio Magellan Crunch, c***s***er."
Check in later this week for the next Bar Fight!
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